This post is about "Self -Acceptance" - a radical concept for most of us living with strong internal judges.
Nothing we do, say, think or feel is ever good enough for these critical voices.
One of my teachers told me some years ago, in the middle of my meditation retreat , that --- "looks like Stalin or Idi Amin is living in your head, Asha, try to get them to move out, or you will be a very unhappy, discontent person your whole life".
A rather loud wake-up call happened to me in that retreat.
I had to finally face my internal critics - the very loud, judging voices inside my head and heart..
The only way I found to face and lower the volume of these voices was 'Self-Acceptance' and Mindfulness Meditation.
Self-Acceptance - an ongoing process of extending compassion and empathy to oneself, particularly in moments of doubt and judgement.
Mindfulness Meditation - First, make time for Meditation, then learn to watch all the ten-thousand thoughts running through your mind, then learn to remain present with your breathing and not get carried away by the stories behind the ten-thousand thoughts.
I know both these concepts sound daunting and impossible, but they can be done, starting slowly, day-by-day.
Start today, right now, with your next breath!
The description below discusses the same issue and is an excerpt from another of my favorite authors;
Cheri Huber.
She is a Zen Meditation teacher, based in Monastery Peace Center in Murphys, California. I relate to her writings because she writes in a real way, one can make a connection very easily with her words.
"Unless you were raised by wolves, you probably heard at least a few of the following as you were growing up: “Don’t do that…. Why don’t you ever listen?… Wipe that look off your face…. You shouldn’t feel that way…. You should have known better…. You should be ashamed of yourself…. I can’t believe you did that…. It serves you right…. What were you thinking of?… The nurses must have dropped you on your head…. I had great hopes for you…. Don’t talk back to me…. Do as you are told…. Don’t you ever think about anyone else?” Somewhere along the line we conclude there is something wrong with us. What else could we conclude? If there were nothing wrong with us, people would not say those things, would they?
Being intelligent creatures, we soon take over the job of punishing ourselves, punishment being the way to improve so that we can be who and how we should be. We learn the self-improvement process as quickly as possible so we can fix ourselves before anyone else notices we need fixing. As a result, most people grow up with an unshakable belief that the primary reason they are “good” is that they punish themselves when they are “bad.” The very thought of not punishing ourselves when we make mistakes, say and do stupid things, feel inappropriate feelings, or act “bad,” makes us nervous: If I don’t punish myself when I do something wrong, what will keep me from doing it again? I might do even worse things! To this I would say that one process does not lead to another. Punishment does not make us good, punishment makes us punishing."
Very true, isn't it?
Hopefully, this post makes you pause, reflect and practice kindness towards yourself next time you feel that 'you are not perfect'.....
Asha
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